An E-mail to Frankie
Frankie asked me how I felt about having taken the off beaten path in life since I had so often encouraged her to do so. Here is my response which I e-mailed to her:
I am not sure how I can properly answer your question about how I feel about having taken the off beaten path in life since it’s a double edged sword. On the one side I hate and regret the bad decisions I made during those times wandering aimlessly from job to job wondering what I was going to do with my life. I reacted more out of fear and trying to keep from rocking the boat in certain respects when it came to my work, but I also pursued my faith (at times foolishly following any charismatic leader who came my way) and studying the craft of poetry. On the other a lot of positive things occurred which prepared me for my future vocation in the pastorate. I met a lot of great people, have some great stories to tell, and have a pretty positive out look on the future. St. Paul often used the metaphor of running a race which means looking forward towards the finish line and not back. As Jesus put it we are to focus more on eternal things. Try as I may I do so every often catch myself looking back to see how the other runners are fairing. Comparing myself to others. Am I where I should be? Why am I not married or in a career like most people my own age? Trying to see the other runners I instead focus on the road behind me seeing the turns I probably should have taken and wind up tripping on the stone I do not see. So in answer to your question my dear Frankie I am not entirely sure how I feel about it. Having taken the off beaten path is neither better or worse, but it did work for me. I can only imagine how I’d feel if I had gone to a four year school, gotten a career, etc. because I was studying something I hated and probably would have been excessively miserable. It has definitely given me a different story to tell which can both draw people to you and alienate you because you don’t have a lot of the shared experiences others have. There are times I wish I had done things differently, been more brave, not retreated into myself, gone another direction, taken the short cut. If I had, would I have met the people I met or had the opportunities I had taken? No. I’m not sorry. To a certain extent I am glad. For as I continue forward on the race I’ll keep striving for the prize and focusing my attention on the finish line.
I am not sure how I can properly answer your question about how I feel about having taken the off beaten path in life since it’s a double edged sword. On the one side I hate and regret the bad decisions I made during those times wandering aimlessly from job to job wondering what I was going to do with my life. I reacted more out of fear and trying to keep from rocking the boat in certain respects when it came to my work, but I also pursued my faith (at times foolishly following any charismatic leader who came my way) and studying the craft of poetry. On the other a lot of positive things occurred which prepared me for my future vocation in the pastorate. I met a lot of great people, have some great stories to tell, and have a pretty positive out look on the future. St. Paul often used the metaphor of running a race which means looking forward towards the finish line and not back. As Jesus put it we are to focus more on eternal things. Try as I may I do so every often catch myself looking back to see how the other runners are fairing. Comparing myself to others. Am I where I should be? Why am I not married or in a career like most people my own age? Trying to see the other runners I instead focus on the road behind me seeing the turns I probably should have taken and wind up tripping on the stone I do not see. So in answer to your question my dear Frankie I am not entirely sure how I feel about it. Having taken the off beaten path is neither better or worse, but it did work for me. I can only imagine how I’d feel if I had gone to a four year school, gotten a career, etc. because I was studying something I hated and probably would have been excessively miserable. It has definitely given me a different story to tell which can both draw people to you and alienate you because you don’t have a lot of the shared experiences others have. There are times I wish I had done things differently, been more brave, not retreated into myself, gone another direction, taken the short cut. If I had, would I have met the people I met or had the opportunities I had taken? No. I’m not sorry. To a certain extent I am glad. For as I continue forward on the race I’ll keep striving for the prize and focusing my attention on the finish line.
posted by Out Of Jersey | 5:31 AM
7 Comments:
Good Words.
I went off the beaten path once. I stepped out in faith and quit a very lucrative position.
Later I realized I stepped out, not in faith, but out of emotion.
HARD lessons were learned during that time. 5 years later I still don't make the money I was making at that position, but I am infinitely happier where I am at today.
I also learned so much from taking that leap. I learned not to do it again unless I was sure that it was God encouraging me.
Oh I love this! Now there's absolutely NOTHING about you to dislike ;). I can really relate to so much of what you said here, especially the part about the doubts being overshadowed by the people you've met as a result of your decisions. I guess it's never easy for anyone to throw off the nagging voices of "what should be," of that parallel life we watch our acquaintinces live, but we still come to a place in our lives that we wouldn't trade for anything. I'm so glad you shared this! Thanks so much!!
Eddo,
Aye lad, it is easy to forget why we are doing things and go our own way.
Frankie,
I'm glad I was able to help. I wanted to make sure I didn't over romanticize and show that while it was fun and a blessing there were times of serious doubt, struggle and depression as well.
Mack,
If someone can learn from the good/bad choices I've made, all the better.
Logan,
You of all people have quite the story to tell and can definately be used for the glory of God.
I think our experiences, good, bad and indifferent make us who we are. And if you took the path less traveled... well then you saw some awesome scenery, but had a hell of a time getting through all the brush to see it. Every one makes mistakes, it is how we learn from and grow as a result of them that makes them worth it.
So what exactly are you studying/ majoring in when you get back into school?
Sprite,
Well put. I think I was mostly ducking into the brush to keep from being spotted. No luck.
I am going to major in English. Then go to seminary in order to enter the pastorate.
I can say the same for you Logan, I've enjoyed getting to know you.
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